You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
