ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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