omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
