so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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