please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I pour the whiskey from now on
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