ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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