I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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