dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
