just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
