why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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