): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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