whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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