Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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