anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
