Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
