Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These tits shall not be calmed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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