A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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