Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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