I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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