I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Someone came in the potted fern
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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