he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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