What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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