He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
