Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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