Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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