oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
