If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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