I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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