i already hear my dad disowning me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
