that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
