Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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