Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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