we're blogging at a bar
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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