i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
