I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
