dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
