I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
