I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
