..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
