I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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