She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
