don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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