The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
