O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
