after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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