it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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