Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
