3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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