Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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