i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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