careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
