um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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