shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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