Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
