she smelled like a LAN party
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need water and some morals
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
