I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
