Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
