I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
