Kiss
Puke
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
