do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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