capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
