You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
