fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
