Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
