i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
