im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
