a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
