my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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