what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
