Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
false alarm, still single
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
