I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
