Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
