he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
