Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
