The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
