Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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