Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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