Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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