im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
