one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
