last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
