Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
