The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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